i am closing down this site and will only be blogging over at
http://peanutsparents.blogspot.com
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Feeling luck
I feel lucky. I was able to get pregnant and carry a pregnancy to term twice. I feel very lucky.
Both babies were born with no complications and were healthy from the start. I feel really really lucky.
Both babies have temperaments that other mother's dream of. I have had wonderful recoveries from both of my pregnancies and things at home are better than I thought they could be. I am so very very lucky.
BUT, I feel like I have dodged a big bullet. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Can I really be this lucky?
The thing is, I know that it is all luck. I mean sure I do all the things you are suppose to, but so do many other woman with very different consequences. I guess I almost feel like I am too lucky. I feel like since I have had all this good luck, then surely, something is bound to go wrong.
Lately, I have been obsessing about finding out that my child has learning or emotional issues. My brother did. It was hard naming Baby P after my brother because his life was so short and tragic. In a lot of ways I would be proud if Baby P was like my brother because my brother was sensitive and kind. He is heart was almost too big to fit into his gangly 6 foot 2 frame, but he had some real emotional issues. He was incredibly immature for his age and learning was very hard for him. I don't wish that on my own son. It is hard not to be a little superstitious.
But, I guess our kids end up like they are going to end up and all we can do is stand at the sidelines and hope our luck gets passed on to them. It is hard not to fret though, because so far, I am so lucky.
Both babies were born with no complications and were healthy from the start. I feel really really lucky.
Both babies have temperaments that other mother's dream of. I have had wonderful recoveries from both of my pregnancies and things at home are better than I thought they could be. I am so very very lucky.
BUT, I feel like I have dodged a big bullet. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Can I really be this lucky?
The thing is, I know that it is all luck. I mean sure I do all the things you are suppose to, but so do many other woman with very different consequences. I guess I almost feel like I am too lucky. I feel like since I have had all this good luck, then surely, something is bound to go wrong.
Lately, I have been obsessing about finding out that my child has learning or emotional issues. My brother did. It was hard naming Baby P after my brother because his life was so short and tragic. In a lot of ways I would be proud if Baby P was like my brother because my brother was sensitive and kind. He is heart was almost too big to fit into his gangly 6 foot 2 frame, but he had some real emotional issues. He was incredibly immature for his age and learning was very hard for him. I don't wish that on my own son. It is hard not to be a little superstitious.
But, I guess our kids end up like they are going to end up and all we can do is stand at the sidelines and hope our luck gets passed on to them. It is hard not to fret though, because so far, I am so lucky.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Baby P. Birth Story
It was a stormy night....
Or it could have been.
But really it was 4 days past your due date and I started looking for someone to strip my membranes. My friends that were knew how to do it didn't have the necessary equipment. We needed a sterile glove but we couldn't find one.
You didn't seem to be as active as you once were, so I went to the doctor the next day. They ran a non stress test, which was pretty stressful for me. I laid in a recliner and focused on your movements. I could hear your hear beat going up and down as you moved. Sometimes, I would lose your heart rate all together, and I would frantically search for it. It was suppose to be a 20 minute test, but after about five minutes, Dr. Taylor said you looked excellent. After the test, I asked Dr. Taylor to strip my membranes. He said "You call this stripping the membranes, I call this a vigorous exam." Whatever, I just wanted to not be pregnant.
I was getting stressed about your daddy's pending vacation. He wouldn't have left if we needed him here, but he was looking forward to it and we had already spent a lot of money buying tickets and such.
After the appointment, I had some contractions periodically throughout the day. That night, I didn't sleep very well. I think some contractions were waking me up, and there was the constant march to the bathroom because you seemed to be pressing down on my bladder. The next morning I woke up at 5 with a contraction. I looked at the clock and saw that it was five and went back to sleep. I thought about my friend who said the perfect labor would start at 5 and end sometime before 5 that day.
We rolled out of bed at 6 to start our day. My contractions were getting closer, but I wasn't willing to say I was in labor just then. At about 7 I decided to call in sick to work. I also decided to start counting my contractions. They were 7 to 9 minutes apart. I tried to stay on my feet, helping get the kitchen cleaned and your sister ready. Your father went off to work and to dropped your sister off at daycare. At about 8, I figured I was really in labor. At 8:30, I called your father and asked him to come home. I didn't want to be by myself. My contractions were getting closer.
You will never understand what contractions are like. I don't know how to describe them to you besides that your get a giant knot in your belly that kind of wraps around to the back. It is a hard thing to reflect on. It sounds trite, but when you are having them, you know you are having them. I think it might be different for everyone. The contractions with you were painful, but they were nothing compared to your sister. I think some of it had to do with your sister being a week later than you.
When your father got home, we went for walk. At around 10:00 the contractions were 5 minutes apart pretty regularly. At about 10:30 I really wanted to start towards the hospital. I think we actually left the house sometime after 11:00. I think your father was thinking that we would have infinite time like we did with your sister. He was doing all of the little chores I had been asking him to do for days. Things seemed to be moving quickly with the contractions between 3 and 5 minutes apart.
When we got to the hospital THEY WERE FULL. BUT, they had just moved someone out of a room and were going to let us in there. The nurses were scuttling around saying the storm was bringing people in. Storm shorm, I know Doctor Taylor had brought about this labor. Doctor Taylor had given me a list of nurses to request. I am a bit of a special case these days because I wanted an unmedicated birth. I don't think I got anyone that was on his list, but the lady I did get, Jamie, was wonderful.
We finally got into a room at around 12:00 or so. At around 12:30 they checked me. I was dilated to about 6 or 7 cm, so I was clear to stay in the hospital. I had to labor with the monitor on in bed for the next half hour so they could get a good read on what you were doing in there. They measured my contractions at every 7 minutes, but I don't think they were reading them correctly. When I got the all clear to get up, your dad went and got something to eat and I labored on my own for the next hour or so. The nurse checked me again at 1:45, and I had gone through transition and was ready to push.
The nurse was shocked. She did not expect me to have progressed so far. I guess I was too quiet? (I don't hear that very often). She told me that I was obviously built to have babies and that you would probably be out in a couple of pushes. I was excited and relieved. We were getting so close to the end. She called the doctor and told him to hurry. There wasn't time for me to get the rest of my antibiotics.
Jamie, our nurse, brought another nurse in who happened to be our child birth educator from when your sister was born. They got busy setting up the room.
I got up to go to the bathroom. (evidently, this isn't normal. people don't go through transition, walk to the restroom, urinate, and walk back). When I was finished something really strange happened. I had a weird sensation and let out a crazy moan. I looked down and my water had broke. It was such a bizarre feeling. I was pushing. I remember thinking "oh Shit" and feeling scared. This wasn't territory I had tread with your sister. I was scared that you were going to get there before the doctor did. I was scared that it was going to hurt. I was scared that something was going to go wrong. I was scared.
The doctor arrived shortly after my water broke. I think they were still cleaning up the mess. Something happened and I don't know what, but he dropped his phone into or near my amniotic fluid. He picked it up and wiped it off on his shirt like it was no big thing. It made me laugh big belly laughs because it was so gross but he acted like it was no big deal. Evidently, he didn't get any fluid on it, but that didn't stop us about making jokes about sending the phone back.
Then the pushing started.
and kept going
and going.
It was hard. I didn't think the laboring part was very hard. Does it hurt? yes, it hurts. But you don't have to do much and the pain goes away fairly quickly. But pushing, is tiring, and discouraging. I pushed for about an hour. My contractions weren't very strong and they were getting further apart. The doctor asked if I would like some vitamin P or Pitocin. I said yes. I made the mistake with your sister of not accepting the pitocin. It was the one thing I would have done over if I could.
With my first contraction on the pitocin you crowned. I don't know if it was because of the pitocin or something in my head. They told me to reach down and feel your head. I told them to give me something to numb the pain down below. THAT SHIT HURTS! Evidently, you have a giant head. I blame your father. The doctor gave me a little bit lidocain and an epositomy. With the next contraction you were delivered. The room screamed at me to open my eyes, and I saw you coming out. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I always thought that it kind of sucked that the mother didn't get to see the birth, but here I was, in the perfect position to see my baby boy being born. It was absolutely amazing.
You were out and I saw your father cut your cord. You didn't cry. There was a little bit of a gurgle, but it didn't really seem to phase you to be out. You just kinda looked around. I held you for a short time, then they started sewing me up. I had two small tears and an epositomy. The stitching back together hurt because everything was so tender. I had to ask the doctor to tell me when he was going to touch me because it made me jump every time.
When I got to nurse you, you latched right on and nursed off of both breasts. (and haven't stopped nursing since)
You were 8 lbs 15 ounces (and some because the nurses couldn't decide if they should round up or not) and 21.5 inches long. Your head was a whopping 16 cm around (no wonder it hurt so bad. Your apgar was 8 at birth and 8 at five minutes. You were born a big strong boy.
Or it could have been.
But really it was 4 days past your due date and I started looking for someone to strip my membranes. My friends that were knew how to do it didn't have the necessary equipment. We needed a sterile glove but we couldn't find one.
You didn't seem to be as active as you once were, so I went to the doctor the next day. They ran a non stress test, which was pretty stressful for me. I laid in a recliner and focused on your movements. I could hear your hear beat going up and down as you moved. Sometimes, I would lose your heart rate all together, and I would frantically search for it. It was suppose to be a 20 minute test, but after about five minutes, Dr. Taylor said you looked excellent. After the test, I asked Dr. Taylor to strip my membranes. He said "You call this stripping the membranes, I call this a vigorous exam." Whatever, I just wanted to not be pregnant.
I was getting stressed about your daddy's pending vacation. He wouldn't have left if we needed him here, but he was looking forward to it and we had already spent a lot of money buying tickets and such.
After the appointment, I had some contractions periodically throughout the day. That night, I didn't sleep very well. I think some contractions were waking me up, and there was the constant march to the bathroom because you seemed to be pressing down on my bladder. The next morning I woke up at 5 with a contraction. I looked at the clock and saw that it was five and went back to sleep. I thought about my friend who said the perfect labor would start at 5 and end sometime before 5 that day.
We rolled out of bed at 6 to start our day. My contractions were getting closer, but I wasn't willing to say I was in labor just then. At about 7 I decided to call in sick to work. I also decided to start counting my contractions. They were 7 to 9 minutes apart. I tried to stay on my feet, helping get the kitchen cleaned and your sister ready. Your father went off to work and to dropped your sister off at daycare. At about 8, I figured I was really in labor. At 8:30, I called your father and asked him to come home. I didn't want to be by myself. My contractions were getting closer.
You will never understand what contractions are like. I don't know how to describe them to you besides that your get a giant knot in your belly that kind of wraps around to the back. It is a hard thing to reflect on. It sounds trite, but when you are having them, you know you are having them. I think it might be different for everyone. The contractions with you were painful, but they were nothing compared to your sister. I think some of it had to do with your sister being a week later than you.
When your father got home, we went for walk. At around 10:00 the contractions were 5 minutes apart pretty regularly. At about 10:30 I really wanted to start towards the hospital. I think we actually left the house sometime after 11:00. I think your father was thinking that we would have infinite time like we did with your sister. He was doing all of the little chores I had been asking him to do for days. Things seemed to be moving quickly with the contractions between 3 and 5 minutes apart.
When we got to the hospital THEY WERE FULL. BUT, they had just moved someone out of a room and were going to let us in there. The nurses were scuttling around saying the storm was bringing people in. Storm shorm, I know Doctor Taylor had brought about this labor. Doctor Taylor had given me a list of nurses to request. I am a bit of a special case these days because I wanted an unmedicated birth. I don't think I got anyone that was on his list, but the lady I did get, Jamie, was wonderful.
We finally got into a room at around 12:00 or so. At around 12:30 they checked me. I was dilated to about 6 or 7 cm, so I was clear to stay in the hospital. I had to labor with the monitor on in bed for the next half hour so they could get a good read on what you were doing in there. They measured my contractions at every 7 minutes, but I don't think they were reading them correctly. When I got the all clear to get up, your dad went and got something to eat and I labored on my own for the next hour or so. The nurse checked me again at 1:45, and I had gone through transition and was ready to push.
The nurse was shocked. She did not expect me to have progressed so far. I guess I was too quiet? (I don't hear that very often). She told me that I was obviously built to have babies and that you would probably be out in a couple of pushes. I was excited and relieved. We were getting so close to the end. She called the doctor and told him to hurry. There wasn't time for me to get the rest of my antibiotics.
Jamie, our nurse, brought another nurse in who happened to be our child birth educator from when your sister was born. They got busy setting up the room.
I got up to go to the bathroom. (evidently, this isn't normal. people don't go through transition, walk to the restroom, urinate, and walk back). When I was finished something really strange happened. I had a weird sensation and let out a crazy moan. I looked down and my water had broke. It was such a bizarre feeling. I was pushing. I remember thinking "oh Shit" and feeling scared. This wasn't territory I had tread with your sister. I was scared that you were going to get there before the doctor did. I was scared that it was going to hurt. I was scared that something was going to go wrong. I was scared.
The doctor arrived shortly after my water broke. I think they were still cleaning up the mess. Something happened and I don't know what, but he dropped his phone into or near my amniotic fluid. He picked it up and wiped it off on his shirt like it was no big thing. It made me laugh big belly laughs because it was so gross but he acted like it was no big deal. Evidently, he didn't get any fluid on it, but that didn't stop us about making jokes about sending the phone back.
Then the pushing started.
and kept going
and going.
It was hard. I didn't think the laboring part was very hard. Does it hurt? yes, it hurts. But you don't have to do much and the pain goes away fairly quickly. But pushing, is tiring, and discouraging. I pushed for about an hour. My contractions weren't very strong and they were getting further apart. The doctor asked if I would like some vitamin P or Pitocin. I said yes. I made the mistake with your sister of not accepting the pitocin. It was the one thing I would have done over if I could.
With my first contraction on the pitocin you crowned. I don't know if it was because of the pitocin or something in my head. They told me to reach down and feel your head. I told them to give me something to numb the pain down below. THAT SHIT HURTS! Evidently, you have a giant head. I blame your father. The doctor gave me a little bit lidocain and an epositomy. With the next contraction you were delivered. The room screamed at me to open my eyes, and I saw you coming out. It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen. I always thought that it kind of sucked that the mother didn't get to see the birth, but here I was, in the perfect position to see my baby boy being born. It was absolutely amazing.
You were out and I saw your father cut your cord. You didn't cry. There was a little bit of a gurgle, but it didn't really seem to phase you to be out. You just kinda looked around. I held you for a short time, then they started sewing me up. I had two small tears and an epositomy. The stitching back together hurt because everything was so tender. I had to ask the doctor to tell me when he was going to touch me because it made me jump every time.
When I got to nurse you, you latched right on and nursed off of both breasts. (and haven't stopped nursing since)
You were 8 lbs 15 ounces (and some because the nurses couldn't decide if they should round up or not) and 21.5 inches long. Your head was a whopping 16 cm around (no wonder it hurt so bad. Your apgar was 8 at birth and 8 at five minutes. You were born a big strong boy.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
We had a new arrival today - Mrs. T can't blog at the moment, so this is her husband.
An infant boy arrived at 3:25 this afternoon. 8 lb 15.6 ounces, 21 inches in length. He has quite a head of jet black hair, blue eyes and a pair of lips that will surely break some hearts. At a much later time, of course! Everyone is doing well.
Here are a few pictures. I'll let the tallgirl fill in the details when she gets home.
He's Here!
Born around 3:30 today. Weight: 8 pounds 15 ounces. Length: 21 1/2 inches. Laura had to push for about an hour, but it was a pretty easy delivery all in all. Mom and baby are doing well, and Laura says he's nursing like a champ!
He's On His Way
Laura was admitted to the hospital around lunchtime . . . already dilated to between 6 and 7. He should make his appearance on May 14, 2008!
and again
Between 5 and 9 minutes apart. Mostly 8 though.
I am trying to stay up and walking around to help them along.
Mr. T. went to work. It is nice to have the house quiet and to myself. It feels like the calm before the storm.
These contractions are the ones that make me think "man, this is really going to hurt", but I did it before and women have been doing it for centuries. And... As long as I am not forced to race with Mr. T. and Megs on an adventure racing team, I can do this.
I love my doctor for stripping my membranes. I really really didn't want to go to work today.
I am trying to stay up and walking around to help them along.
Mr. T. went to work. It is nice to have the house quiet and to myself. It feels like the calm before the storm.
These contractions are the ones that make me think "man, this is really going to hurt", but I did it before and women have been doing it for centuries. And... As long as I am not forced to race with Mr. T. and Megs on an adventure racing team, I can do this.
I love my doctor for stripping my membranes. I really really didn't want to go to work today.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
To the doctor
I got a little worried because the little one didn't seem as active in the last couple of days, so i went to the doctor.
oh and I wanted him to strip my membranes.
he ran a non stress test and everything was great. He is doing really well and acting like a maniac.
the doctor also stripped my membranes so hopefully, in the next couple of days....
oh and I wanted him to strip my membranes.
he ran a non stress test and everything was great. He is doing really well and acting like a maniac.
the doctor also stripped my membranes so hopefully, in the next couple of days....
An apology
I want to apologize to my friends. I don't mind you asking about the baby. It does make me feel good. It is nice to know that people care about me, my welfare and my child. I feel very blessed to even be in this situation as many people can't carry a baby this long without complication.
My real gripe is that for the last 3 weeks people have been asking me when I was going to have the baby. What i was still doing at work. and telling me not to give birth at work.
as my nerves wear thinner, it is getting more difficult to stomach these comments.
and it is easier to gripe on the internet than to people i barely know.
My real gripe is that for the last 3 weeks people have been asking me when I was going to have the baby. What i was still doing at work. and telling me not to give birth at work.
as my nerves wear thinner, it is getting more difficult to stomach these comments.
and it is easier to gripe on the internet than to people i barely know.
Just a little Desperate
It dawned on me that Mr. T. will be leaving next Wednesday night. UGH.
I asked a friend of mine who is nurse practioner to strip my membranes. She couldn't because she was leaving town. Then i asked a friend who is a doctor, but she couldn't because she didn't have a sterile glove. So, I made an appointment for my physician to do it today. I also wanted to get the baby checked out. He is moving, but is slowing down. I am pretty sure everything is alright, but I wanted to get it checked out. I know things are getting tight for him, so that might be the issue.
I didn't go for a walk yesterday. I just feel like it isn't doing any good and I was really tired. Sleep doesn't come easy these days. I feel an energy when I lay down.
I drank a bunch of coffee this morning. A mocha. I deserve it. I was also hoping the caffeine would get things started. I might have another cup of office coffee this morning. Mr. T. asked once how it is that office coffee always has dirt in it. I guess it is better than coffee from a gas station which always tastes like hot dogs to me.
I asked a friend of mine who is nurse practioner to strip my membranes. She couldn't because she was leaving town. Then i asked a friend who is a doctor, but she couldn't because she didn't have a sterile glove. So, I made an appointment for my physician to do it today. I also wanted to get the baby checked out. He is moving, but is slowing down. I am pretty sure everything is alright, but I wanted to get it checked out. I know things are getting tight for him, so that might be the issue.
I didn't go for a walk yesterday. I just feel like it isn't doing any good and I was really tired. Sleep doesn't come easy these days. I feel an energy when I lay down.
I drank a bunch of coffee this morning. A mocha. I deserve it. I was also hoping the caffeine would get things started. I might have another cup of office coffee this morning. Mr. T. asked once how it is that office coffee always has dirt in it. I guess it is better than coffee from a gas station which always tastes like hot dogs to me.
Monday, May 12, 2008
FREAK!!
I feel like a bit of a freak allowing this pregnancy to go post term.
If I hear "when you gonna have that baby?" ONE MORE TIME!!!!
i heard it twice before I even reached my floor this morning.
If I hear "when you gonna have that baby?" ONE MORE TIME!!!!
i heard it twice before I even reached my floor this morning.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Still Pregnant!
As the hours melt away it is looking increasingly like I will still be pregnant on Monday. My contractions are harder, but still not regular. As I relax and get more sleep on the weekend, they get less and less frequent. I am walking and doing all those things you are suppose to do to get your baby out, but, just like with your sister, it isn't working.
It isn't terribly difficult physically to be "still pregnant". It is more difficult this time around because every little thing makes me feel like I am going to launch into labor. If I feel a little queasy, it is because my body is getting ready for labor. If my back hurts, it is because of the contractions. If I sprain my ankle, it is because my joints are really loose waiting for the baby.
The difficult part is telling people that I am still pregnant. When I call people, I always start the conversation, no baby yet. I am getting to the point that when I miss a call, I am not returning it. The messages are piling up on my cell phone, but I just don't have the heart to tell people that I am still pregnant and hear the disappointment in their voice. When people see me, they look pretty disappointed. The worse is work when people ask me why I am still there. There are a million smart ass answers for it, but usually I just tell them that I have no maternity leave. Everyone should have voted Democrat. (not that it would change anything, but that doesn't make it any less true)
The thing is that it isn't as heartbreaking as it was with your sister. With your sister, I had no guage on how long I cook my babies. I cook them a long time and that is okay, because there are good things about a naturally occurring and late child birth.
It isn't terribly difficult physically to be "still pregnant". It is more difficult this time around because every little thing makes me feel like I am going to launch into labor. If I feel a little queasy, it is because my body is getting ready for labor. If my back hurts, it is because of the contractions. If I sprain my ankle, it is because my joints are really loose waiting for the baby.
The difficult part is telling people that I am still pregnant. When I call people, I always start the conversation, no baby yet. I am getting to the point that when I miss a call, I am not returning it. The messages are piling up on my cell phone, but I just don't have the heart to tell people that I am still pregnant and hear the disappointment in their voice. When people see me, they look pretty disappointed. The worse is work when people ask me why I am still there. There are a million smart ass answers for it, but usually I just tell them that I have no maternity leave. Everyone should have voted Democrat. (not that it would change anything, but that doesn't make it any less true)
The thing is that it isn't as heartbreaking as it was with your sister. With your sister, I had no guage on how long I cook my babies. I cook them a long time and that is okay, because there are good things about a naturally occurring and late child birth.
- When you are on the elevator with the close talker at work, he doesn't stand so close to you because your belly is in the way.
- Homeless people don't bother you with comments about how fine you are, rather, they want to talk with you about your baby (which is nice)
- You don't have to listen to other's labor stories because you have already been cooking your baby longer than they did.
- Your baby isn't premature nor does he have all of the things that you have to worry about with an early term baby. (most important).
- Having a natural labor increases my recovery time and decreases the changes of complications.
- A bigger baby means more weight to work with if something should go wrong with feeding (as it did with your sister).
- A bigger baby means a bigger stomach which means faster sleeping (because we all believe that!)
Saturday, May 10, 2008
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