Heartbeat and checkup

I heard your heartbeat yesterday. It was beautiful. All day I felt like I was on a high. I was worried about you. I feel pregnant, which is a good sign, but with so much stress early in the pregnancy, I not would let myself believe that you were here to stay.

But I think you are.

I told all my internet friends. Telling people is fun because people email me that I haven't spoken to in ages. Friends from college are emailing me.

I look forward to meeting you. You are turning into a little person faster than your sister did. Maybe it is because I have already had a baby and know what to expect. I am also looking forward to having you but my anticipation is different than with your sister. With your sister, I was all into being a mom and what would the birth be like and would you even be okay. With you, I just want to get you out and start moving forward with my life. I am not terribly worried about your health, because I feel very good about it. I am curious what your sex is, but it isn't something I dwell on. To me, you are already you, and I feel like that is okay. I feel peace and like I can deal with it. Maybe I have the opportunity to feel that way because your sister was such an easy baby.

She loves babies. I can't wait to see you two together. It makes my heart swell with joy and pride to think about you two together. She is a neat person. You are going to have fun.

10 weeks

How your baby's growing:Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature. He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy. If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

LIES

I was prepared to feel awful. I was prepared for this pregnancy to be totally different.

It isn't. I am different. I don't exercise as much. i am more stressed in some ways, less in others. i am carrying around a 27 pound worm with me most places I go, but the preganancy, it isn't much different.

i feel okay. not too tired. I eat like a dawm horse. I want lots and lots of hamburgers.

i eat a lot of salami, something I didn't let myself have before.

so. Not much different, maybe my babies will be the same as well. Wouldn't that be a blessing. My friends would hate that I had two angel babies right in a row. Propped up for all to see how genetics blessed me.

until they became a toddler.

Out

I am out of my regular pants. I don't think I can wear even my fat pants anymore.

I am also out about the pregnancey. If I show up in maternity clothes, I might as well tell my boss.