The Walk

When I was first walking around this neighborhood, I was 8 to 12 weeks pregnant. I pictured myself walking up and down scenic trying to get you out of me.

I started that walk tonight. The air is cool right now, which only invigorates me more. I have a buzzing energy that seems to flow through my hands. I can't read, write, rest enough. I know I need to rest, but my mind keeps taking me to other places. I keep thinking about your birth and picturing it being so much easier and less painful than last time. I am overly confident, but I know I can handle whatever comes my way. Even when I am laying down to rest, it feels like a great burden to close my eyes. I want it all to happen now. I want to feel a great pressure and then a release knowing you have entered the world. I want to feel you on my chest all gooey and new.

But instead I walk. And wait. It is hard for a person like me who likes to know what is going on. I try not to obsess, but surprises don't work very well for me. I want to call my mom right now and tell her that tonight is the night and to start driving down. But there isn't much point, the contractions are too far and few and light.

I know it will all happen soon enough. Until then, I will carry 2 extra pairs on underwear in my purse since I seem to pee in them at least twice a day. Did I mention that being pregnant is glamorous?

Dreams

i don't have a lot of dreams. I haven't had any about you.

I did have a dream this morning that I lost my mucus plug (hmmm the glamor of pregnancy). Are you coming soon?

Hanging

Your still in there. I think it is getting close though. I started baking last night and keep thinking i want to do some more. it could be because our kitchen is back together, or because this cold has your sister and I home bound, but i like to think it is nesting.

keep them coming

I keep having contractions, but not anything that is leading anywhere. i think most of it has to do with being tired and having this stupid cold. It isn't fair to get a cold when you are 38 weeks pregnant. i am feeling better though. I plan on sleeping a lot more tomorrow, so hopefully that will knock it out. It is either a cold or allergies. Allergies usually kick my ass the first little bit I get, then i feel better. i guess my body just has to get used to it.

I tried in vain to take some more stuff back to the store from your shower today. It is so dumb that people expect you to have a receipt from gifts. UGH..... I hate Kmart anyway and Target is already on my sjdfowiejfnv list.

I can't really blame people for not giving the receipt. I rarely give the receipt when I give a gift, but I usually buy off the registry or give diapers. I guess when you don't know someone you get them the cheapest outfit possible... and that is fine, but if you are going to do that, please get them something in season. So I guess I will hand some of this stuff off to Sam as I think she gave away all her little sleepers and things.

38-weeks

Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long (like a leek). She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb. Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old.

I'm tired. I quit coming to work on time. Well, i guess that is really an overstatement. i guit trying to make it to work on time. It wasn't working and seemed to be more stress than it was worth.

38 weeks

Still no progress. I think you might be stuck.

sigh...

Faucet = Relaxation

It is amazing how much better I felt once we received the kitchen faucet in the mail. A kitchen faucet means WATER IN THE KITCHEN. Water in the kitchen means having a dishwasher and being able to get water when I want it. I know it was inevitable, but to know that I could have water before the weekend...

Most of the big stuff is done on the house. Your father and I will go to the tile store saturday morning and hopefully make a decision on tile if that is what we choose to do.

But we are ready. You can come any day (after we get water in the kitchen)

updating and working it

We spent the weekend getting our life out of boxes and cleaning. You can't tell that we did anything inside, but the outside looks really great.

I was able to go through all the wonderful presents from the 2 showers that I had. I think we are just about set.

tomorrow we get our cabinets. you sister is out of her mind with excitement waiting for baby will. "BABY WILL WILL BE HERE WHEN WE GET OUR NEW KITCHEN." "Baby Will is coming. Baby Will is coming". it is amazing how excited she is. I think she overshadows your father and I by a large margin.

MY Cervix

soft but still thick.

Crap Shoot

it is a crap shoot on how i feel from one day to another. i think a lot of it depends on how much sleep i actually get from day to day. Yesterday was awful, but today I feel much better.

you finally kicked and moved for your sister. She can't wait to meet you. She gives you little pats and hugs. You move a lot and it is pretty visible in my stomach. I think you are probably pretty long because your bum was under my ribs this morning when I was laying down and I know your head is in my pelvis.

I have been reading some books that I thought were really good before your sister was born. The advice is crap. People make you beleive that if you follow just a couple of rules then everything will turn out okay. It isn't true.

I am also amazed on how many people tell you to baby proof your home before your child is born. WHY? By the time your sister was mobile, most of the plugs had been pulled out because I needed the outlet for one thing or another. The cabinet door latches were falling off because how much use can cheap plastic take anyway. I also read the other day that I shouldn't have your crib near a window because you might FALL OUT THE WINDOW. WHAT? You can't move. and you are in a crib!!

I wonder what you will be like. Will you be like your father, quiet and nice with an ability to throw a hell of a temper tantrum, or will you be more like me and your sister running around acting like a maniac.

I feel very lucky to have you and to be able to make it this far in my pregancy. I am almost assured a healthy baby by now. It is amazing to me. The whole process is amazing.

I am scared though. As I get closer to meeting you the feelings of being overwhelmed get stronger and stronger. I worry most about your sister.

36 weeks

i meant to bring 3 dozen something to work today, but I forgot.

I went to the 36 week checkup yesterday. They did my strep test and checked me for dialation. My cervix is still "way back there", but "he is definately head down".

So the waiting starts. I am doing the stairs at work now. Not because I think it will make you get here any faster, but really because I am so out of shape that I am a little worried about giving birth.

We had a really great shower at work about a week ago. We got lots of nice things. This weekend, we are getting a shower from church. I have been talking to your sister about

"the party for you, me and baby Pumpkin"
"and daddy too"
"no boys aren't invited"
"just babies."
"yes, just babies."

Your sister talks about you every day. "Mommy open your belly and get the baby out" "Our baby will be here when we get our new kitchen".

We found out the other day that you are going to have another little playmate who will be just a little younger than you. This little boy was a surprise. Hopefully your father is working on making an appointment with the urologist because when I mention doing it for him he gets upset.

it never occured to me

That maybe you could be a girl. i have all this boy stuff bought and a boy name picked out. YIKES.

"The Man" came by to do the floors today. His son just had a baby. He said that she was suppose to be a boy.

But after glancing through the clothes, i think i have more than enough "bisexual" things to get my by.

The weariness is wearing on me. The house is a disaster from our remodel. i vacillate between wanting it all done and working hard to laying on the bed and wondering how to make it all end.

it will end soon enough though.

and you will be here.

that makes me so happy.